Fcking i feel so energetic

Im supposed to go to sleep but i feel like going outside to run.

Haha what is wrong with me.

WHACKY WEDNESDAY

okay so i originally wanted to do takeback tuesday but i couldn cause i was studying french. so i'll do it after this hahahahas. 

anyways. today i went early with kim to study french. and that failed cause we failed so bad hahahahas. the listening was oh so quick and we were like afterwards:"OMG WHAT IS MARCEL'S PROBLEM. OMFG." something along those lines :P

elective history and we played 'Henry VIII wants a wife'. and Yin En was Henry, which made it really awkward. and our team was Katherine Howard the slut hahahas. and the whole time we'd get all these questions about Howard's education and assets and we'd be so stuffed because all we got were these sleazy/cheesy pick up lines hahahas. But in the end, Anne of Cleves won, hahahas, the horse face. 

Sport today and our class really slacks off. tbh our class is probably the laziest, and all the one with the most attitude, compared to the other 4 classes. ms had some very boring drills and stuff and msot of us were tired from all the exams and assignments we were just doing stuff without much effort. and some people were just really bitchy and pmsing. and ms was really upset cause everyone wouldn't listen to her. and we did feel guilty but then she threw a tantrum at us and banged the door and this angered more people. 

in science we had mr mallet and he was ohsonice..again hahaas. and me and ann were gonna meet up tomorrow to buy him a maxi cupcake but then we went on the site and it told us that we had to order it 2 days in advance and we were like HOLYBEJEEEBERS. so ann was gonna go check if the store would have a random maxi to buy and i wanted to go with her but i promised xin to go froyo with her and i keep ditching her so ann had to go by herself. and i was suppose to get a card for him anyway.

so afterschool, me kim xin alice jasmine and nish went to get noggi. and then xin met her fran hahahahas who's stoner face is seriously really stoner :P and omfg i said my name was shaniqua and xin said hers was melanie SO NOW MY LOYALTY CARD IS FCKING 'SHANIKA' cause i didnt know how to spell xin's boob name. hahahas long story cause it's an inside joke. and then kim asked the girl about jay park thingo..AND ITS OPENED TO NON VIPS! YAAAAAY. so yeah, we sat down and ate our froyo and tried best to not be awks but i think it was a tad akward for him cause he didnt know anyone but xin and she was too busy talking to us hahahahas. 

and i felt so sorry for him cause he was just sitting there quietly playing on his iphone with a bunch of spastic singing girls :P and then we saw the steve guy and i was like to kim and jasmine 'omg go ask him for a signature for sarah'. but then this noggi chick walked past us so jasmine pulled her in and ask "oh you know that guy at the counter, is he from revolution crew?' and the chick nodded and jasmine said 'oh could you ask him to give us his signature? like 5?" and the girl smiled and went back and told him and he blushed!

and we were like "YEAH HI WE'RE YOUR FANS!" and he was all embarassed and shy and he really did start to write stuff. but then we waited for 15 mins and he would be going to the back and then walking back to the front and serving people and not looking at us so we thought he mustve been busy so we walked off. damn, it would be so sad if he already signed shit but couldnt go out and looked out and was like 'awww where did the kiddies go?"

walked to the newsagency to buy a maxi card and it's fcking 10 dollars and ann only gave me 3. so went to a 2 dollar store and bought some pretty paper so i could make a card myself. the maxi card was cute though :( 

caught a train back home with kim and the guy and xin and i initially wanted them to have some 'me time' BUT XIN IS SUCHA BUTT SHE WOULDNT TALK TO HIM. hahahahas they're sah cute even though he looks so stoner. she must be his chisel- ehehehehehe see what i did there xinny ;)  

had a pilates session. bitch rant to my friend. and now attempting to make a pretty card so the class won't sever me. h

OHMYFCKINGGOD

I really hate this whole formal shit. so fcking much it's not funny anymore. everyone's showing their bitchy side, excluding people and assuming shit, making seats up for everyone else...and obviously putting them in the centre of attention. it's pretty much happening to every fcking group. every fcking one.

thats why im pulling myself out of all this shit, i really dont want to get involved. it really brings out the worst and the bitchiest in people. i hear people are crying and talking about other people behind their backs.

i mean. why should you guys have more chance of being immediately included in the group table if you talk shit behind people's backs and plan stuff and chuck people out like that? it's not just one or two people. it's a whole bunch. all cause people around you think the same DOESNT FCKING MEAN YOU CAN JUST PUSH SOMEONE OUT. and you'd look at the crying girl and you'd be like:"oh i feel bad. but i want to save my fcking self and get my seat so i won't do anything.'

i can't believe this is happening. im so embarassed.

hahahas, and tbh im not even sure if im immune to this, even if im out of all this drama. how could i be so sure if i wouldn't be bitched out as well?! hahahas maybe i'd get pushed nicely onto another table just cause i know the other table well, going by your assumptions? 

and just cause 'i can't socialise with other people' you are immediately immune to all this and can sit back in the cliche? haha you guys are so funny. yeah, this is another excuse that i heard people going around saying.

seriously,every can be nice but the whole fcking table thing just brings out the worst in the whole fcking grade. might as well not have tables and sit on the fcking floor so people won't get so bitchy and hurt.



fcking, this is the time when i wish we'd fcking have finger foods.

ELLE VARNER

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I LOVE HER VOICE I WANT HER VOICE

didn't end up going to any open days today

the family wanted to go early so i stayed home and did my tutoring and watched youtube videos. oh the life :)

i've got this obituary assignment due on tuesday and a french test on wednesday WHICH I DIDN'T BRING MY BOOKS HOME. omg sucky. i remember reminding myself to bring them home, but that all went away when i had to plot out how to run to the bus lightlessly to get to tutoring early hahahas.

i will probably go to unsw next week because i want to go to COFA :) but next sunday, there's a buddhist special ceremony happening at my temple so i won't be able to make it to Linda's unless my parents leave early. 

binged so much today. and it's not even because im hungry.
wise words of lamya: "there's a really thin line between boredom and hunger."

i just finished a bowl of celery with low fat dip after my mandarin. this is probably the healthiest snack i've eaten today. please don't go down to my thighs tomorrow. hahas.

how do you even get over awkward relationships?

it's really weird. i know this person for so long and there was this huge phase when we were sososo close. now it just feels really hard to talk to her. 

i mean there are still some things that we can still talk about but then things start to get so awkward when that topic dries out and im just like omgaaaah i don't know what to talk to her about. 

to be honest we connected through our liking for the same music and blah. but like, im past that whole kpop phase and i don't go spastic like how she does anymore. and i just can't think of anything to talk to her about anymore i don't get why.

like there's these people that i really dont have anything to talk to them about but we end up talking about crap or acting goofy and most of them i have nothing in common with. 
She, however, have so many things in common with me. maybe it's cause we see each other too much that we pretty much know everything about each other? but i see her around people that spend more time with her compared to me and she talks comfortably. 

but lsdkfjslkdjflskdjflkjsdl when we talk we start off on a good note and then it's just silence for a while. and time to time i'd ask her stuff and she'd answer and then it'll just be really quiet. AND I CANT EVEN FIND MY GOOFYNESS WHEN IM AROUND HER. 

but when we're with a group of people i can talk to her and make conversation with the whole group and get things going but when it's just one on one it's ohsoawkward.

iunno, it's really sad. i can't connect to her like a used to. and then i wish that my life was more interesting like a got a job but had to work with a jerk and then complain to her. cause know we keep circleling the same topic over and over again my goofyness is not working anymore. and that's usually the last thing i'd resort to.

omg what to do. 

TEXTILES IS OVER.

yayayayayayayay. things are getting a lot less stressful. 
hahahs not really. i've got my obituary and a french exam next week :L

but anyhoooos. 
today i barely ate and rested cause i was so stressed trying to finish the fcking dress. the whole thing was falling down so i hinched it in by 4 cm each side and the lining is so ugly because it stuffed up and now my sides are bulking and im not compleeetly happy like i was 3 days ago. 

and ann said that hers was too big as well but she didnt modify it, she was gonna wait until ms marked it and then hinch it in. and i was like WTF WHY DID I NOT THINK OF THAT MY DRESS WAS NEAR PERFECT BEFORE A HINCHED IT. but it is kinda dodgy because ms gets back on thursday and open night is wednesday the week after. 

I wanted to stay at home tomorrow and do my obituary so i told ann i couldnt go on our uts open day date hahahahs. But then my sister is like: 'ohs im going usyd tomorrow' and since dad wants to come and mum's coming, they decided to go out party dress shopping afterwards, and im like skdfjsljdflksdlf that means i got to go. which is fine because it's a win win situation for me, except i really wanted to go to uts but it's too late cause i told ann i won't be going cause i got loads of work tomorrow. but i could just walk/catch a bus to uts since they're close, hehehehehes.

and since im not going to a concert there's a sliiiight chance i would be able to go to both birthday parties in the next coming weeks yayayayay. i'm really hyped about linda's because i really like house parties. they're all so warm and fuzzy and the food is great and it's a great casual atmosphere. nish's is more formal and it's fun to dress up once in a while but im not sure if i could go to a party that ends late. and, although i'm going to have to go with the theme, it just doesn't suit me; warm colours. im just not the body shape and skin tone for it. and i know she gets pissed whenever people beg her to include other colours and stuff and i know it's her party and she gets to do whatever. so im just going to have to conform to it.  

 

FACKING TEXTILES

okayokay so tonight i slipstiched and slipstitched and then undid stitches to neatly do them again and i was going all perfect until i decided to wear the whole thing on to measure my collar tie- what i call my strip of material that connects my bodice to my collar- cause i needed to cut some off and then overlock it and then add on some hooks so everything could connect. 

and that was meant to be my last bit of thing to do before i declare that im finished. 

SO FACKING WRONG. 

okay so i tried on the dress...and my bodice slid down to my hips. And so yeah i went through this phase which was like :"OH REALLY NOW I WENT DOWN SOME CENTIMETRES" and was quite giddy. but omgg HOW AM I GOING TO WEAR THIS IF IT SLIDS DOWN THAT LOW. 
and i can't take it in because im nearing the end and taking everything out and then tightening the side front parts of both the bodice and the lining and then puting everything back the way it was. that's not possible to do in 2 days.

fackfackfack. now the bodice just looks hideous. like i wanted it to cinch at the waist but even the waist on the bodice is too big it looks like a rectangle at the top. 

so maybe i will secretly pin the bodice so the waist cinches in for the photoshoot BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CATWALK ARGHH. 

and this also meants i gotta go buy some invisible bra straps to add on my thing so that nothing would go down. and i could only get it tomorrow arvo. so i've got one day to miraculously sort out everything and ms isn't even going to be at school when our stuff is due. AND WE'RE DOING THE MONSTER MASH FOR THE COSTUME WALK. WHY OH WHY OH WHY. 

sldkfjlsdfklsjfljsdlfjsldjflsdf. sucky horrible day. friend even forgot to give me her avatar box set :/ 

so my friends are telling me i have too high standards for jobs

so i was looking through part-time/casual jobs the other day and i pointed to this retail listing and went "omg i really want to do this."

and my friend, who i will 'nameless' her because then she'd be like 'oh ann why did you bitch about me online' scoffed and said: "wow ann you have such high standards for jobs. Go work at maccas or something you're probably not going to get a job at whatever place you're trying to get."

GAH. OKAYOKAY so it's really funny that she said this because she tells me how shitty maccas pay and how many hours she has to work and how much things she has to miss out because of her shifts. then why oh why do you think i'd want to work there? so i can rant all the time about how sucky my job is. hahahas you're funny. 

plus. i can't deal with food. and i told this to my other friend the other day and she's like 'haha ann you don't even make the burgers and stuff you just serve.'
i can't do shit under pressure, i can't make pretty swirls with cream, i go to sizzler and spill coke everywhere from the 'serve yourself' drinks machine cause i put my coke in first AND THEN put in the ice and i've never changed that. And everytime i touch food it's a disaster. thats why i can't go through a meal without spilling shit everywhere and eating so klutzily. 

plus. i can't control myself around fatty foods. my friend is working in maccas and she says she's on a diet while she buys all this unhealthy shit. For other people, that's what she says. once i had to home alone guard my house because my parents and sister was out and i spooned down so much nutella it was like heaven in 5 minutes but then i felt so body guilty. but deep inside i was thinking how good it'll be to spoon the whole jar hahahas.

plus. HAVE YOU SEEN HOW KLUTZY I AM AROUND LOADS OF PEOPLE. far out ann jeeeeez. Like corridor walking around the school and high speed walking in the city is by far my worst nightmare. I mean I would walk and i'd see someone 5 metres away from me and so, mentally, i'd say 'okay ann choose a side and stick to it." so i would..after we're 1 metre away. And that poor person would have go to the same side as me so i'd be like 'oh sorry.' and then that poor person would go the other direction and me, being sosososo quick witted, would change directions as well. 

And then it's kinda of like a partner salsa dance without touching the partner. and baaad eye contact. Which is really awkward. How many times have i gotten laughed at by my friends i don't even know.

tobehonest, yeah i know it's hard to get retail jobs at this age and i do need money.
but trust me if i could deal with food i would maccas everyone's face off. fcking pro style.

What I feel like on my detox

But anyhoos. i wasn't able to go on much because i've been super busy. If it wasn't english it'll be textiles. if it wasn't history it would be textiles. if it wasn't geography it would be textiles. and dont get me started on maths, im behind by one whole chapter.

but sdkfsldkfslkdflskdflsdf. next week would be linda's birthday party and i really want to go because i loooove house parties. it's so casual and cool and the food is always nice.

but then the week after is nigashini's. which is a definite to go because she'd kill me if i didn't. two weeks after is another friends, and then the week after is another friends. AND THEN THERE'S THE CONCERT WHICH I DESPERATELY WANT TO GO.

and then it's my birthday. gaaahh, too many presents to buy, to many places to ask my dad to go to. too much money spent. i need a job. but im so busy with so much shit now i don't even know how i can juggle all of this. sdkfjskdfjldjflsjf. and im so hungry haahahhs.

TRUST

You need that for a relationship to work. Being able to not be there but not be worried that the other person would do anything wrong. 
To trust their every word and to know that, even if they're keeping something from you, although you really want to know it, they're doing it for your benefit.
Give them the benefit of doubt. You might have questions but you trust them enough to know that they won't cheat on you, won't lie unnecessarily to you, won't betray you. 

To be suspicious. To feel agitated and to try and figure out what they're doing, that's not the way to go. 

if you can't do these things. if you think it's too hard for you, maybe you shouldn't continue with that relationship. maybe you just don't deserve them.

MY JAM: JON MCXRO

IM IN A GOOD MOOD SO YUUUUR. 

okay so ageeees ago, tina was listening to one of their songs called 'mercy' and she was full on 'omg this is so good i love the whole album'. and i listened to it and i was like 'ohh okay...that's not that good but coolcats."

and then, a month ago, i tried listening to the whole album, AND NOW IM HOOKED!
hahas so JON MCXRO is this group of hiphop/producer guys who are really talented at what they do and, in their album, they have all these features from the coolest people like JoJo and Rhye and Travis Garland AND MIGGGUEEEEEL. sldkflsdfksdlfksldf. everything with Miguel in it is guud. hahahas. 

But okeleydokes. This is their song-turned-mv song and i luuurve it ahalkskjklajsdlkajsd. 

 Girlfriend- JON MCXRO

and then there's miguel. omgomgomgomogmog miguel hahahahs i'm a total fangirl for his voice. 

They also did this song with Rhye that i posted already but its ssosososos good so check out my previous post of JON MCXRO!

but here is the bootiful song ft jojo.

yeaaah. there's more songs in the album but i don't really like them that much. omgomogmg and there's also the one with travis garland in in- somewhere in italy. but do check them out and support them cause they're so good :DDD

SOMEONE STOLE MY EARPHONES

Ohmygaaah i keep killing all my earphones i only use them for like what..3 months? Dkakxkskckskd

Gotta buy like a bulk pack or some shit.

BUT TODAY WAS SO GOOD. Did well in english, well iunno how i webt but i was proud.

Full on lapsed today cause they have this biscuit thing people are selling and i ate a teeny bit off sarah and im lile OMG WHY DIDNT I NOT KNOW THIS EXISTED.

But im not putting on weight so its good :)

And im starting to move along well for textiles yuryuryuryuryur.

Just gotta do my zipper and then some other thing with my lining and put a hook onto my collar and then wear it and see if i should cut the chiffon and then hem my crap and im done! GIDDDDDDDYY.

Now i gotta do truong and french and elec history essay hahahahahas. Yeah naaaahhh, gonna go avatar for a bit :L

Had a good night :)
Haven't studied as much as i wanted but ive got everything ready but im pumped.

Excited for english tomorrow

Hahahaahs im so weird, who would be :P

Feel so fucking sick.

I fcking hate this it's not funny anymore.

la douleur exquise

(n). the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.





it's folly. how people can make you feel things you don't want to. make you have all these crazy thoughts and wishful thinkings and you'd think that you'd have a chance to be with them. You want to get noticed by them. Want to stand out. want to be with them.but it's not that easy. 

For a quick moment they make you feel as though there's hope, but then they'd put you back to where you really belong. 

sucks. 

just when i felt like doing something productive

I DIDN'T BRING MY SHIT HOME. GAHS. 

okay so im just gonna list stuff here so i could tick off;

- TRUONG HW- fcking. did every single question but could only get question one right. lsdkkdjflksjdflsdfsldfjlsdf. i don't get. i really don't get. ive did every single fcking question the right way and rereading and redoing and rechecking and it's not....slkdjfslkflksfdksdf

- MATHS. CATCHUPPPP. im so dead god. even jasmine is up to date :/ i've got half of logs but im not worried cause i can do logs. but there's just too much shizzles. too much.

- FRENCH. I've got some exercises left out of the bajillion that are due tomorrow. i don't get the new unit cause i was away on wednesday, when all of that was explained.

- THURSDAY ENGLISH IN CLASS ASSESSMENT- which means studying and writing notes and just dieing in english. and i wanna rewrite my essay but i can't cause i can't do english for shit.

- Physics prac next week. hahahahahaha. HATE PHYSICS.

- Textiles due next week. on track, ish. ish. just barely scraping it ahead of some people.

- French assessment week 7. hah.

- open night week 8.

- textiles design assignment week 8

MATHS TEST SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN FML IM SO BUSY BUT I'VE GOT NOTHING AT HOME I HATE THIS GOSH.  okay i gtg get something done.

Awkward dream

Had the most awkwardest dream which i remembered after my frien told me about hers.
So my friend was telling me of her dream how i was wearing some long dress and my other friend made me trip and then we had to run for our train which was stuck on a hill hahahas.

So there's this guy from sbhs who would walk down to the yagoona carpark at the same time as me every afternoon and, in my dream, i think we were married.

And like, in the dream i was shopping at woolies with him or something and we were walking together and he was pushing the trolley and he was like :"oh go buy some pork. But only buy the ears cause our kids can only eat that."

Uhmmyeaaah. Now when we walk together i'd probs just have that scene looping in my head.

Craving fatty foods.

BUT TODAY WAS SARAHS BIRTHDAY YAYAYAYAYAY. Tbh i didnt really want to go. Cause like:
1. Im not gonna be ataying for a buffet cause of the detox
2. Whats the point of going there to karaoke for 2 hours plus anoter 2 hours for the trip there and back?

Still i went. It was okay i guess.

Woke up early to try and sew a velvet skirt to wear but I FCKING HATE VELVET IT ALWAYS SLIPS CANT DO SHIT. I applaud jessie for continuosuly doing crushed pannel velvet without complaining cause im sick of it. Couldnt finish it so i ended up wearing my collar sleevless, a cardi, and skinnies with my fake house of harlow necklace hurhurhur. AND MY DIY SKULL BRACELET! - which i will upload later as part of a diy post heheheheh.

Most people came although she wanted more people to come and only some people sang while the rest just sat there/ took luvos. And sarah didnt look like she had a good time cause she didnt sing much and so..yeah... We couldnt give her the present yet cause we ordered it late and it hasnt arrived so, fingers cross it won't take ages to come. And i still havent made a rap yet :(

Ate some forkfuls of cake -fattey- and then my friends were like "oh might as well go buffet" and i was thinking that too but then i had to return early anyway so yeah. came home at three and ate lunch so i pretty much skipped dinner, except for a bowl of greek yoghurt.

Ohheeell am i craving carbs and bread and CURRRRRY. My mum made curry :(

Watched a gazillion avatar: the last airbender episodes because i want to prolong studying english and doing my elec. history essay. Cksifkskdkkskxkskx. Gotta start elec :( bye

Damn blasted fb messenger is fck up again :/

But anywaaays. Had my first seasion with sir mai and he called me tina :/
Hurhurhur that joke is really outdated, i dont even think you know my name. But like, i think theres another ann in our class. Which sucks hahahahas.

But theres so many friggin people and theyre all hurlstoners and the old hurlstoners lile zhi and thomson were there. And then a sea of guys and girls. And like, i think theres only around 8 sydney girls. And we dont get to talk and me and the other girls were sitting far away from each other. So next week im gonna go early to get seats. Uhm yeaaah.

Going to sarahs party on sunday but im not staying for buffet cause thats fatty. Nope, gonna go home after karaoke eheoleheoe

Yes.

yumyuuuum.

looplooplooploop. 

fcking love the whole album, looking forward to a new jam post yuryuryur. 

 

do you..

ever have something that you want to protect so bad even if it's not yours? 
someone maybe? 
and then you'd get jealous or just pissed if when someone gets close to that something or that someone and swoons about it and be like yayayayaay and you're like ohmyfcking god shut up bitch.

like for example- and this is not what really happened- but like you just started your addiction to something or joined something new..like maybe a youth group or something. and you're the first person in your group to do so and you love it so much and just everything there. and like, when people ask you 'oh hey why are you so happy?' you're like ohh this coolest thing happened to me blahblahblah.." and then they're like the next day 'hahah ann i joined it as well'. 


LIKE IT'S NOT YOURS. the youth group doesnt belong to you but you just want it to be yours only. some little secret that you can indulge in that has nothing to do with anyone else close to you.


yeah it's somewhat like that. iunno, i suck at explaining haha.

and then you'd think that that bitch of a person is rubbing it in your face on purpose because they know how much this thing/person means to you but seriously they're just happy. or sometimes they might just be rubbing it in your face cause everyone's a bitch nowadays and has their purpose. OSDDIJOFSDHFSDKJFLSKJDFKLSDFKSJDFLK. i really can't contain my anger. 

worst of all the bitch in this picture is someone close to me. i really have never thought bad about her because we're so close and she's someone that i feel so comfortable with and we have little things between us and so much fun between us. But everytime she talks and rambles on about how much fun she has with this thiiinnng im like OKAY I HEARD THIS LIKE A BAJILLION TIMES AND IM TRYING TO ACT LIKE I DON'T CARE SO STFU. 

ughhs...these things always brings out the worst in me, i've realised. mum's usually like; 'don't care about these crap just get on with stuff' AND OH HOW I TRY BUT I CAN'T IGNORE IT.


:( i need a punching bag. 

Im struggling with english

Like i know im a little more than average compared to the class but it kills me so much.

I motivate myself to start off trying to construct a new essay cause i wasnt proud of what i did. And i spent 15 minutes just to write a sentence.

I dont know. I have a concept in my head of how to contruct these paragraphs. LIKE I KNOW WHAT TO DO. But i cant type it up. And when i do its just so sucky.

Every fcking sentence i always try to make it structure professionally and it just ends up a mess. It pisses me off. And cinquetti says to keep it simple; and i read through his stuff and think that, though its simply written, its so magnificently brought up -his points- mine is just fjskkkdkslfksfkdo.

Yeah i need a good english tutor. Im so disappointed in myself. I mean i thought i improved this year and to be honest last year i didnt even care. But like, the more lessons i have with cinquetti the more i think im failing this subject. Dont get me wrong, his a great teacher and i learn so much from him, but that makes me look at my work and get so disapointed cause its not even worth him marking.

Djxkfkkdfkrkdkkfrjndjd.

APPAAAAAAA.

so, a while back, brian was like to me 'OMG ANN YOU GOTTA WATCH AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER' cause he was all going on about the new series thingmabob that just ended and he cried a river ahahahs - whatta softie :P-  and i was like 'yeah yeah okay i will. after community, and suits and my third run of the whole new girl series). 

but then like, on friday, in geo after I finished watching Memoirs of a Geisha, and was like 'OH HEY ANN WATCH AVATAR WITH ME' and Mr. Sinclair wasn't bothered with our class so me and Ann watched the first episode and OMFGGG IT'S SO GOOD. 

spent the past three days just watching it like..everywhere. On the treadmill, while writing my weekly menu, while hula hooping. But like I'd be treadmilling, and then this good part comes, so then i have to stop and sit down and watch ahahahahas.

Holyshit i won't get any of my weekend work due cause im so addicted. and my friends talk to me and im like meeeh they can wait, hahahahahahs. it's killing my social life. 

AND APPA IS SO CUTEEEEE. OMFGODFOGMDOFMGODMFOGDF. 

 

But anywaaaays. Yesterday I was suppose to go watch Magic Mike with my friends and go shopping and blahblah but I just don't have money cause im saving up for stuff - hehehehee- so i planned on staying at home and doing Mr Sinclairs boring geo project which i have no idea what to do so right now im kinda screwed. 

i think they went eating and magic miking and then shopping and i felt kinda sad i'm missing out because- who doesnt want to see channing tatum strip- but like, in a way it's good cause i won't eat bad stuff. And also if i go shopping i always end up having to buy 'something' and then it'll be a 'impulse' thing and i'll end up regretting i bought it. Like the skateboard. and the huge amount of shitting makeup. and yeah. i dont even know why i buy those i don't even use makeup.

But then mum was like 'you gotta go with me to buy your food or i'm going to buy expensive shit and then you won't even it it' so me and mum and daddy went shopping. 

And then i went to the laundry guy to ask him if he does permanent pleating. And he's like yeahyeah i do that and go it all fixed for me and said I could pick it up on Tuesday. And i was thinking Yeah that's a tad slow i need it monday but it's not like i'll do anything in monday textiles class anyways so then I asked him the price for it and he was like 'ughhh...20?'

OKAY - just to clarify i'm not a cheapass (though cheap stuff is totally my thing) - BUT 20? ARE YOU SERIOUS? FOR LIKE WHAT...1 METRE OF FABRIC PLEATING? HECK MAN I SPENT LIKE WHOLY 50 BUCKS TO MAKE THIS FORMAL DRESS THAT IM NOT GOING TO EVEN WEAR FOR FORMAL AND YOU FCKING MAKE ME PAY 20 JUST TO PLEAT A GODDAMN FABRIC? 

and my dad was next to me and he's like in viet 'oh that's an okay price might as well get it' but i was so iffy so i was like 'yeah i'll think about it.' they are other places in sydney that actually are pro at pleating so maybe i'll call them up and see. 

but in the end, when we came back home and mum and dad went back to Bankstown for their own business, i was like okay whatthehell might as well do it cause i'll need the fabric really soon. Ohmygosh if the guy ends up pleating it the way i did- ironing it full on- i'll seriously demand a refund because I COULD FRIGGIN DO IT MYSELF. AND IT DOESNT EVEN WORK SERIOUSLY. 

came home and continued reading Fault In Our Stars. Which is sososos good and i haven't even finished yet. Talked to my friend online. And then sleeeeept. ahahahs and then woke up and Avatared again. 

ann's going to give me the whole thing tomorrow instead of having to stream with such sucky quality so IM EXCITEDDDDD. 

and second week of detox is going to be fun; YAYAYAYAYA TO MUSHROOMS. I've lived without you for too long im so glad to have you back. 

Loads of improvement this week in my body although you can barely see it but it's okay. Like I wanted a healthy, toned body inside and outside so YURYURYUR.  

so yes :) a very moody post ahahahs. I. AM. OUTTIE.

Subject Choices

Yeah so on friday we had to finally pick our subject choices and whatnot, and loads of people already know what theyre doing and picked their subjects and all without going "omg but what about this..."

Tobehonest im still contemplating.

So im definitely doing textiles. Why? Cause its the only subject that i feel comfortable in. I know i suck compared to everyone else and yeah but its my one and only stress reliever subject.

Theres around 7 people tht would be doing textiles, all good and crap. Its going to be hard to stand out- hahahas mostly trying to stand out while having a genius textiler who shares the same name as you- but its one of the few subjects that im good at.

But me and kim were talking about it on the train abd she thinks that we'd be having ms joannou. And i like ms miller more. Hahahas even though she gets ob my nerves and shes really bias towards some people, she understands me.

Then its phys and chem. uhm. Yeah. I dont really know why i chose these two. I'm confident with chem but its such a boring topic and PHYS. I DONT GET PHYS.why am i choosing it? Cause i need it for my uni course. Hahahas.

I honestly want to do Chem and bio. Yeahyeah bio is low ranking and shit but its such an interesting topic. Diseases and genetics are way more interesting than learning about velocity and the deceleration and shit of graphs and motors. And i thought my course would have something to do with bio since its med related but no, phys and chem are part of the assumed knowledge.

And i dont even know if i want to do that uni course anymore. OHMYFCKIG GOD. Seriously why cant all this be simple? Everything needs to be fcking well thought and researched and things need to be prepared early for you to succeed but what happens if you study so hard and choose the subjects you hate to find out that you fail at it/you couldnt get in the course?

And people go: yeah do what you like. Hahahas if i was to do what i like i wouldnt even go to school and laze around all day cause thats what i really like. No really. I honestly do want to have somethig to do with design in the future; architect, interiour, fashion.

But its all not that simple. Theres that fact that you have to rise about everyone else just to be sucessful. But creatvie be different.

Its not safe.

I dont even know what safe is anymore. I know safe, to my parents, means that its so med course to become a pharmacist or a specialist in some crap. but how is that safe? Yeah you get bajillions cashwise and shit..but all the endless studying and internship...and you'd just waste your 20's just like that for a job that you'd probaby be called professional in your early 40's?

I dont know. The more i think about subjects and courses and shit the lore it confuses me. Yeah i do want somethig secure. Something that could guarantee to pay my parents back moneywise and also lifewise, and to take care of my life well as well. But something fun. Something i wont end up waking up when im 50 and be like why am i here doing this job that isnt going anywhere.

SO YEAH. Going back to choice i dont know if it was the right decision or not.
I mean i know that if i push myself i could study hard and be good. But its not fun. Its not what i want, its more of what im trying to do to lower my insecurities, you know?

I honestly dont know if my choices are right or not. People laugh and say ohh ann you think too much theyre just choices. But to me i find that if i dont make a wise decision now i'd regret later.





hah, oh how i hate thinking.

Craving

Sweet things. Pork rolls. Dried mango. Froyo. Kebab wraps

I have to wait more than 200 days before i can indulge all that. How is my detoxing? Going well except sometimes the food is so dull. And at bored time like these where i find myself scavenging for food, i cant do that at all. It suuuuucks.