Subject Choices

Yeah so on friday we had to finally pick our subject choices and whatnot, and loads of people already know what theyre doing and picked their subjects and all without going "omg but what about this..."

Tobehonest im still contemplating.

So im definitely doing textiles. Why? Cause its the only subject that i feel comfortable in. I know i suck compared to everyone else and yeah but its my one and only stress reliever subject.

Theres around 7 people tht would be doing textiles, all good and crap. Its going to be hard to stand out- hahahas mostly trying to stand out while having a genius textiler who shares the same name as you- but its one of the few subjects that im good at.

But me and kim were talking about it on the train abd she thinks that we'd be having ms joannou. And i like ms miller more. Hahahas even though she gets ob my nerves and shes really bias towards some people, she understands me.

Then its phys and chem. uhm. Yeah. I dont really know why i chose these two. I'm confident with chem but its such a boring topic and PHYS. I DONT GET PHYS.why am i choosing it? Cause i need it for my uni course. Hahahas.

I honestly want to do Chem and bio. Yeahyeah bio is low ranking and shit but its such an interesting topic. Diseases and genetics are way more interesting than learning about velocity and the deceleration and shit of graphs and motors. And i thought my course would have something to do with bio since its med related but no, phys and chem are part of the assumed knowledge.

And i dont even know if i want to do that uni course anymore. OHMYFCKIG GOD. Seriously why cant all this be simple? Everything needs to be fcking well thought and researched and things need to be prepared early for you to succeed but what happens if you study so hard and choose the subjects you hate to find out that you fail at it/you couldnt get in the course?

And people go: yeah do what you like. Hahahas if i was to do what i like i wouldnt even go to school and laze around all day cause thats what i really like. No really. I honestly do want to have somethig to do with design in the future; architect, interiour, fashion.

But its all not that simple. Theres that fact that you have to rise about everyone else just to be sucessful. But creatvie be different.

Its not safe.

I dont even know what safe is anymore. I know safe, to my parents, means that its so med course to become a pharmacist or a specialist in some crap. but how is that safe? Yeah you get bajillions cashwise and shit..but all the endless studying and internship...and you'd just waste your 20's just like that for a job that you'd probaby be called professional in your early 40's?

I dont know. The more i think about subjects and courses and shit the lore it confuses me. Yeah i do want somethig secure. Something that could guarantee to pay my parents back moneywise and also lifewise, and to take care of my life well as well. But something fun. Something i wont end up waking up when im 50 and be like why am i here doing this job that isnt going anywhere.

SO YEAH. Going back to choice i dont know if it was the right decision or not.
I mean i know that if i push myself i could study hard and be good. But its not fun. Its not what i want, its more of what im trying to do to lower my insecurities, you know?

I honestly dont know if my choices are right or not. People laugh and say ohh ann you think too much theyre just choices. But to me i find that if i dont make a wise decision now i'd regret later.





hah, oh how i hate thinking.