first time.

today was the first time i went through something big and did not tell you. 
today was the first time that shit happened that i did not call you first off. 

it's weird because after it ended i just sat there thinking that if such thing was to happen when we are still close i wouldve called you and you wouldve answered and i wouldve ranted and maybe cried to you and you'd be like 'im sorry i cant do anything' but i would be happy cause you would understand. 

remember when i would tell you of all these bitches that i'm pissed at and you'd be like lolol they're so stupid honestly ann your people are such bitches ngl. and we'd laugh about it? or when i was so pissed off at something and you'd be like ann im sorry you must be in such a shitty position, trying to please everything and we'd sit there in silence but in such comfort cause i knew you supported me and understood me so well?

gosh it feels so weird and different i'm not use to this i'm not use to you not being the first person i tell these shit to maybe because i tell you so much all the time, which leads to me feeling so selfish because you would listen for hours on end about my problems and then worry but i just feel so selfish blurting everything to you but like...at that time i felt like you're the only that actually understands me and that i 100% trust. 

i can't lie that i don't miss you cause i do and i miss everything we had but if it doesn't work out then let it go yeah i know. 

if you're reading this i want you to know that you did mean a lot to me and you still forever will and i know its hard now to get back what we had, that would probably never happen, but i hope you can at least keep those really nice memories with you because i will. 

Take care,
you stinky, cheesy, corn-eating, ft.island loving, retarded, weird, funny, loving, caring ball of poop :) 

// Mid-year 2011 :)