the aftermaths of war.

he finally unfriended me.

i honestly saw it coming. And I don't know what to say.

And yes, I'm angry at myself. How could i face him anymore? I'll see him on hkpr if we go on at the same time and what should I do? I know he won't add me anymore and I'm fine with that. But I'm angry at myself. I'm angry that I let him go. I'm angry that I lost such a good friend. I'm angry that I made him lose trust in me. I'm so fcking angry.

And upset. As much as I ask for forgiveness, I don't think I'll ever be able to face him honestly anymore. He'll always be doubting me, always be..FARK i can't believe I did that. I can't believe I did it the second time, I so hate myself right now. I farking feel like a bitch. I am. I am such a bitch.

And music comes to me again. Listening to Frank Ocean songs, zoning out and all this shit. I try to occupy myself so much so that I won't have any time to myself to thing about what I've done.

But this is my reply:

I'm sorry. I really am. I made you hurt and upset...for the second time. I proved myself untrustworthy and a shitty friend. But I really want us back together because i liked the times when these things never happened and we were just talking everyday about the whole world and what would become of us. You seem to be one of the people that knew me the most and you told me your world. But yet I couldn't be there for you. I placed you down, I lied to you. I farking hate myself, for real. If I was to turn back the clock I would go back and took my stand for you. But my idiot self thought that I could get away with this shitty crime, and I think karma came to get me. But I'm not blaming anyone. I'm not going to blame brian or sydney. it's truly my fault and I hold responsibility for it.

What I'm just hoping for is that you would acknowledge me sometime...when I grow more mature and more of someone you could trust again. No actually, don't. Because I know I'm a bitch. So don't. Stay away from me because it would beneficial for you. You would never get hurt. And please, don't trust anyone like me and don't be stupid to fall for someone like me again. Because I honestly hate it to see you get hurt. The bitch I am, I really do care for you and everything you do.

You're an interesting guy. Funny, nice, smart and I love our convos about you're incapability to sleep and me nagging you all the time...and hiking and just food and teasing each other around. You called me cute and I helped you get through your sad stage. I loved those times, i really do. I hope you meet someone better than me and forget me. I know it would take you a while to forgive me and, like i told you, i am waiting for that time. Please trust me on this: i will wait. We won't be the same again, I know it, but i hope we could be able to be like before again. Before all this happened, before you thought that i was the one. before you trusted me.