Read through 2014 blog posts and am so surprised how far ive come hahaha

On another note, hitting the gym again for eyeball bod hahaha 
Still feeling a bit sick but form for squats have never been better. .

Today i learnt how to listen to my body more.
Ran my first full marathon in the cold and felt the effects of it today ; waking up with the beginnings of the flu and legs that felt like they were going to give way any minute.
Tried so hard to stay awake and keep myself feeling good the whole day but i just felt so grogging at uni and didnt want to move. Slept in every class except prac, and felt bad that i wasnt being productive so forced myself to stay at uni to work. As expected, nothing much productive was done and I went home; sleeping all the way from the bus to thr train and crashing when i went home.

Woke up feeling much better, had pho, and decided to not push myself anymore and hust take it chill for the night. I guess the main important thing is to always listen to your body when it needs to rest. The whole day i was feeling disappointed because I couldnt gym on my gym day and I wanted to be productive asf, even tho nothing was working out.

Thankful for the boy for sticking it out with me even though he felt equally sick. Going to try and rest well for tomorrows busy schedule

the feels when you think that you've made great work decisions. 

i don't think i've ever felt this blessed that I got the opportunity to work where I am now. there's so much opportunity to grow, great work environment and the feeling where they care for their customers eye care needs. 

i can see myself working here for the long run and i've never been as excited and eager to work before. 
have i actually grown up HAHAHAS

//

What am i to you 

Farewells are too fucking hard 

The moment when you think you've finally found a friend who you could call on and trust on, and who could help you grow, they end up leaving you to study someplace else 

It sucks cause ive only started being close to you from middle of last year, but we've clicked so well 

Hopefully you'll flourish so much more in newcastle and come back once in a while to catch up :) 

platonic

it is weird to not want to date someone yet still crave their attention? 

the feels when someone can make you think for hours on end. you want him to be attracted and continue talking to you but at the same time set perimeters that you just want to be solely friends. 

You asked why i said no even when you ticked all the boxes

My reason for age gap was half true though- i just felt i wasn't ready to be with someone like you.

You're charming, funny and easy to talk to; someone that id always thought id want. But that shit was so good to be true that i kept thinking if you had any other intentions. You're more experienced than me in most aspects and so i kept thinking all these other things.

I think my thoughts got confirmed so soon after, so im glad things became that way. But thanks for making me feel so much cuter than i thought i was hahas.

Recaping 2014

Something i wanted to do for myself

2014 has taught me many things and has built me up to a greater image of myself

2014 was the yearin which i figured out who are the ones i should fight for and continue relationships with. Hsc has madee closer to my sister and my friends somuch that we leaned on each other and became one. 

2014 has given me a sense of communal love; love between the 169 girls that ive been with during the six integral yeara of my life. Hsc has taught us to depend and help each other and we all finished high school so much stronger and more tight knitted. 

2014 has taught me that its okay to reminisce, but don't linger on. Withdrawals towards him was something constantly haunting me during the beginning of this year, and the feeling that i never found someone better during the first few months made me linger. However, the blessing of this passing december in the form of two great friends  have made me realise what a fool i have been to think i could not meet a guy as great. 

2014 have taught me to love myself more and dont underestimate my strenghts. The rewarding results of my year of hard work has showed me that yes i can do it if i keep trying. Ive always thought less of myself but passing this feat made me so much atronger. And the bleasings of december 2014 was one of the freatest things that have ever happened. 

December 2014 was the month where i became more confident in who i am and more excited to grow to who i wanted to be. From an insecure girl, working at two different iobs and meeting a handful of people helped me realise that, no i am not sociallyawkward and yes i can make friends out of my comfort zone. Is it the two guys who became attracted to me.. Or is it the coworkers who praise my har efforts and tell me they enjoy working with me..or the bunch of friends who transcend past the period of working togehter... I dont know. But all of these happenings make me so much more excited about who i can become in 2015 and the journeys i will take.

So in 2015, i hope i can finaly achieve my one goal: become fit 

I hope that i can start afresh and learn new things and become a stronger better person.

For anyone who reads this and my loya readers: thanks for being there theough my thick and thins and hope 2015 will bring you such sweet happiness and joy. 

Midnightthoughts

I cant sleep. No this is not an angsty thought process thing. 

Its just me freaking out

Im starting work next week but im worried. Ive been put into an area i have no idea of and since its a department store- noone would be there to help.

I dont know the products well and their prices and i dont know what im suppose to do. Althought we had store oritentation- they dont show us specific sectors etc.and wb name tags and locker keys and Break time? 

I know im being over anxious- its always been a part of me to worry. Worst, i really dont want to continue that streak of bad first impressions atthe store. At the same timei knowit habitual of me to be flooded in thoughts so much to the point ill seriously stuff up.

Will it be easier than i expected? Idk

Hopefully my questions will come off as genuinely confused and all will be fixed